The Anxiety/Stress Voice
By: Robin Hornstein, Ph.D.
In fiction, there is one voice called the unreliable narrator that we as readers know to be, well, kind of a liar. This voice tells us things that are just blatantly not true, or are clearly misunderstandings of information. When you feel anxious or depressed, you are most likely having a set of physical and/or emotional reactions to external stressors, or worse, internal stressors. For example, your boss asks to meet with you without telling you why. You could feel pretty neutral about the invitation to meet, as it has no intrinsic meaning. If you are a super positive person, you may think he/she wants to meet with you to offer you greater challenges or that project you have wanted to do for a while. However, if you struggle with anxiety that busy voice starts to challenge your safety saying phrases such as: “You are going to be fired.” “Watch out, this is what happened the last time you were asked to do 1.5 jobs and burnt out.” “I can’t even breathe or make dinner as I can’t imagine this will work out for me.”
Why does this happen? Stress and anxiety are two very normal reactions to stimuli. Unfortunately, if your chemistry, experiences, or childhood environment led to anxiety, it will take some doing to unravel the path in your mind that jumps from stress to disaster.
How do you undo a lifetime of stress/anxiety overload? The good news: there are about as many coping tools as the mind can imagine. The bad news (that I think really is good news): turning away from our ominous narrator towards new ways of thinking, feeling, doing, and being takes work. But the work of changing the habit of anxiety does not differ from any other kind of work. Think of it like learning to ride a bike. First you master a tricycle, then a small bike with training wheels, next you take the training wheels off, and a finally you learn to balance a full size bike.
Learning how to change the habits of automatically sliding into anxious thoughts and reactions is not the only important action that can come from taking on stress symptoms. It is also true that you develop anxiety for many reasons. Anxiety/stress can be an alert system that is built into our primitive brain to warn us of impending problems. Unlike other mammals however, we keep the memory long after stress hormones such as cortisol are long out of our physical symptoms. Animals shake off their dangerous encounters, do some self-care – like grooming, and return to life in the sun. We don’t, because we use our own narrative of these events to keep them alive.
Convinced you need some new tools yet? A well-kept secret is that you may already know the tools you need, but they take commitment and a supportive “community” to help. If you have an identifiable support person within your family or friend group, that is wonderful. If not, one of your first tasks will be finding a group, community, or therapist who can be that support for you. Pets are great support as well, and dogs will even remind you to go out for a walk on a daily basis!
Anxiety/stress management can involve many types of interventions. For some people, it might include medication and therapy. This is a great resource if you find yourself too overwhelmed to start the change from anxious to calm. However, the gold standards of anxiety reduction include moving your body daily, correcting faulty thoughts- in hindsight first and then as they occur, and using your whole self to develop the ability to play more and worry less (even if facing scary bosses or physical illnesses).
- MOVE – Research has found that fear increases cortisol (BAD STRESS HORMONE), and activities like walking (especially in nature), exercise, vigorous cleaning, and yoga decrease it. Identify what you like and do it at least 4-6 times a week.
- MEDITATE – Free meditations, apps, loving kindness practices, and low-cost classes abound. Everyone can do this as long as they begin with STRUCTURED meditation. Look online to start or ask your doctor to offer a meditation group!
- CONNECT – Being social, even if it is while you go to a store, volunteer at your church, or pick up your kids at school, builds our low anxiety muscles.
- CREATE – Write, laugh, tell jokes, do art, sing, listen to music, make music, color, take a nature bath. Remember how children play and do it!
- FIND A MANTRA to CONTRADICT That DARN NARRATOR –
“I am okay.” “I am going to be fine.” “Life is full of twists and turns and I can handle them.” Even sarcasm can work: “Yes, I am about to lose everything just because my boss, whom I get along with, wants to see me”. Be the friend you need, not the nasty narrator of doom. And, don’t forget to ask for help.
Local Meditation and Mindfulness Classes:
*Menla Kadmpa Buddhist Center, Coryell Street, Lambertville – drop in meditation classes for all levels – Tuesday Mornings, Tuesday and Thursday Evenings, $12 per class.
*Buddhist Sangha of Bucks County – Yardley, Monday nights meditation 7-8pm, Discussion 8-9 pm Yardley Friend’s Meeting – 65 N Main Street
*Unity Barn – Doylestown – Thursdays 7-8:30pm – $12 per class
*Transcendental Meditation at Tammany Farm, Doylestown
*Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Course (8weeks, $350) Way Opens Center, 124 S Bell Avenue, Yardley, PA * Peace Center, Langhorne, PA (Myrna BrindCenter – see Jefferson Hospital Website)